I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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