I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
