it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
why does every cop we meet know your name?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
