What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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