I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
