Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
