I love black thongs
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
