I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize