dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
