if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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