Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
