i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
