when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
