just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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