Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
