Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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