you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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