Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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