I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
