got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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