i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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