So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
