took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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