She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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