1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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