If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You smell like stripper and shame
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
