I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
