I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
