I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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