I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
