He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
