organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
