I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
