The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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