called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
