she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
