Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
