I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
