Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When are your genitals available?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
