how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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