I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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