i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
