he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
