Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
