dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
