I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
