Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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