you guys were way drunker than both of me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
