Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
