God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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