Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
