hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm like, not good at living.