I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore