I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka