My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.