Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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