The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped