I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
