She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
