One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
