we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize