We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
