I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ttyl tear gas
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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