I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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