just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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