I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
