Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my shit smells like andre
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
