Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
