I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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