Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
