my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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