i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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