WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
