ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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