Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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