dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
